You can pay me a lot of money to write for youĢ. So, this relationship between the two of us can go one of two ways:ġ. How's that saying go? Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime? Well, I can't fish worth shit but I can write. I don't talk this dirty in all my advertising. I'd sell a whole mess of it with words words and words and words. Imagine what I could do if you gave me a fat wad of cash, set your product in front of me and told me to describe it.
Nice sticky note messages full#
I'm so full of shit that you can smell the depths of my ears through this computer screen.īut, somehow I got you to read a 500-word argument that sex is like advertising and advertising is like sex. The adman or adwoman or adperson is simply the medium between the customer and the feelings they're wanting to feel or the feelings they aren't wanting to feel. In this way, advertising kind of becomes like Tinder or Bumble or Hinge or whatever the kids are using these days to get laid. We buy things because we feel blocked, uninspired and interested. We buy things because we feel defeated, depressed and down and out. We buy things because someone else is in need of distraction. We buy things because we're in need of distraction. We buy things because someone else is heartbroken. We buy things because we are heartbroken. We buy things because someone else needs validation. We buy things because we need validation. We buy things because we feel bad and want to feel good. They create buyer personas and have branding circle jerks and riff a whole lot about customer journeys as if their clientele is Frodo venturing to Mount Doom.īut, the reality is that we buy things because it feels good, obviously. Don't you get offended? Remember, we're not talking about "love-making" here, we're talking about the act of sex when love and emotion and deep connection aren't floating about the room like angels waiting to be conceived.Ī lot of folks try to complicate this advertising thing. We have sex for so many different reasons for almost as many reasons as we buy things. We have sex because we feel blocked, uninspired and interested. We have sex because we feel defeated, depressed and down and out. We have sex because someone else is in need of distraction. We have sex because we're in need of distraction. We have sex because someone else is heartbroken. We have sex because someone else needs validation. We have sex because we feel bad and want to feel good. We have sex because it feels good, obviously. But, since I'm happily taken, I will instead write out these reasons collectively with the use of the word "we". Back when I was a single man, this is where I would list off all the reasons I've had sex. People have sex for all sorts of reasons. So, if you're squeamish, stay calm, your misery is nearly over. I'd call it "fucking" but I've matured considerably over the past few years and, these days, I only allow myself three "f-bombs" per email. So, as I compare sex to advertising for the next couple dozen lines, please understand that love-making is excluded from this comparison when I use the word "sex" I'm using it strictly in reference to the act itself. It's an act that can only be experienced with someone you love and deeply. Love-making is sacred and beautiful and I'd go so far as to say "holy". Generally speaking, fornication falls into one of two buckets:
Maybe I'll finally quit dancing with the devil next year but right now the two of us are in an all-out tango and here's what we're working on:ĭon't worry, you'll be seeing all of this work shortly, once I've gotten all the ink in the right places but until then, I figured I'd take some inspiration from the last industry on the above list and write to you about sex.
It's as addictive as cocaine, as lucrative as a golden goose on a high-fiber diet and more fun than a fast pass in Disneyland. But, goddamnit, it just keeps pulling me back in. The irony is that I tried to walk away from the game a month ago. I will get quite a few emails in response to this note and I won't be able to respond to all of them. So, if you're going to come, come strong. If you know of somebody that could be my John Martin, please have them email me at with a story about a time they made a product, person or book go viral.
All that to say, I'm currently looking for my John Martin a literary agent meets "growth-hacker" meets salesman meets publisher that believes in my work as much as I believe in it. I'm telling you this not because I think I'm the next Charles Bukowski but because I think I'm a writer and adman that should be more widely read than I am. Charles Bukowski didn't become Charles Bukowski because of Charles Bukowski but because of an office supplies salesman by the name of John Martin, who thought the 51-year-old indie poet was the best thing since sliced bread. The story of how their partnership is riveting (I wrote about it here ).
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